8 Things Men Do When They Feel Like a Failure and How to Turn It Around

Men often feel like they have become a failure when they see the world around them seemingly bathing in prosperity when they aren’t, or if there is a marriage or family break up… Or most commonly, after losing a job. Something I am battling within my own life at the moment.

Feeling like a failure is something everyone experiences at some point in their lives. For men, societal expectations and pressures can make these feelings even more challenging

Men often feel like they have become a failures when they see the world around them seemingly bathing in prosperity when they aren’t, or if there is a marriage or family break up… Or quite commonly, after losing a job. A challenge I am battling within my own life at the moment.

Common Things

The 8 most common things that men do when the are feeling like a failure are listed below, if you feel these things or you can see this happening in the man in your life then seek help. 

1. Withdraw from Loved Ones: Men often isolate themselves from their besties of friends, family, and partners. This withdrawal can be an attempt to protect others from their perceived shortcomings. Instead, try to reach out and communicate

2. Negative Self-Talk: Men may engage in negative self-talk, overly criticising themselves harshly. This can create a vicious cycle of self-doubt as they start to believe their own criticisms.

3. Avoiding Challenges: All this negativity can cause men to avoid new challenges altogether which can further stifle personal growth.

4. Substance Use: Some men may turn to alcohol or other substances to numb their feelings of failure. Of course, this coping mechanism can lead to more significant and dangerous problems.

5. Anger and Frustration: Feelings of failure can manifest as anger and frustration, often directed at oneself or others. Channel this energy into productive activities, such as physical exercise or creative pursuits.

6. Comparing to Others: Comparing yourself to others, feeling inadequate in comparison will be detrimental to self-esteem. And focussing on other peoples journey will not help your personal goals.

7. Severe Procrastination: We all procrastinate at times but you know it’s a problem when your mood takes you to severe procrastination leading to missed deadlines, opportunities and increased stress.

8. Seeking Validation: Men may seek external validation to feel worthy, relying on others' approval. This can lead to a constant need for reassurance and attention.

Turning It Around 

If you are suffering or you recognise some of the traits above then you’re not alone. It is possible to turn this around. It’s important to realise that it’s unrealistic to be that perfect person all the time, while it may not seem like it, there are people out there who love and need you and very willing to help.

Take a look at the steps below and make an effort to implement them, it won’t feel like it in the short term but over days, weeks and months they really will turn you around. 

1. Open Communication: Talk about your feelings with trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Sharing your struggles can provide support and new perspectives. If you really feel like you have nobody to talk to, take a look at groups such as Menfulness (https://menfulness.org/) whose events I have turned to in the past. Or https://www.barca-leeds.org
   
   
2. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, even if things don't go as planned. Nobody is perfect, I am not, that person you are comparing to you who has the best life isn’t perfect and when you realise that you can start understanding failure is an essential part of improvement.
   
   
3. Set Realistic Goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate each milestone to build confidence and motivation.
   
   
4. Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, and mindfulness practices.
   
   
5. Focus on Growth: Embrace challenges and view failures as opportunities to learn and improve. Adopt a growth mindset and be open to new experiences.
   
   
6. Limit Comparisons: Concentrate on your own journey and achievements. Remember that everyone's path is unique.
   
   
7. Seek Professional Help: If feelings of failure become too overwhelming, please consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide valuable tools and support.

Failure, whether perceived or real,  is NOT the end… It's a part of the journey towards eventual success.